I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
