I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
