Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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