i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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