It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
