I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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