Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
