I will die if light touches me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
