I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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