She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
