franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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