why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
