Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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