The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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