Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
