girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
