I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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