Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
