The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
