i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
