i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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