And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
