She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
