Sponge bath it is.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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