I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A+ Viking dick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
