would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
