mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
