hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
