I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
