There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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