I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
