Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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