like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
