i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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