Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
