If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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