God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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