he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
