apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
