so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
