On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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