Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
