i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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