Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So many bounce houses so little time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
