im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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