She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
