I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She needs sedatives and a leash
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
