Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
