Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
