needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
