For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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