Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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