that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
