Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
