Too much gin, very little bucket
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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