im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
